Wedding Etiquette Website: how to avoid ringing cell phones during ceremonies

I just stumbled upon a great blog posted by Washington, DC area event planner, Claudia Lutman. She covers great etiquette questions like "Who will walk you down the aisle". My favourite highlight of her site- how to address the problem of cell phones ringing during ceremonies.

Her Suggestions:
- Print a matching reminder card and attach it to the outside of your ceremony program
- Post a calligraphed sign on an easel at the church entrance reminding guests
- Have an usher or the officiant announce “Guests of the Bride and Groom, the ceremony is about to begin. We ask that you kindly turn off your cell phones at this time.”

She also notes that the cell phone biggest offenders are bridesmaids and groomsmen who may miss the notices, so designate someone to remind family and the bridal party.

Bridesmaid Checklist (Before the Wedding)

Our friend's wedding is in a week's time and I sent a checklist out to the other bridesmaids below of things you need to do before the wedding:

Steam Your Dress
- Hang your dress on a hanger in the bathroom while everyone takes a hot shower. It will work after a couple showers.
- You can also use the “steam button” on any standard iron- fill it with water and puff it a few times upright 5” away from the dress’s wrinkled area.
- Make sure the dress is dried before putting it back in the bag (it’ll just wrinkle again if not)

Beauty
- bring a photo of what kind of hair you want unless you don’t mind the hair dresser (possibly) pouffing and/or sparkling your hair in a manner you do not desire ;)
- bring your own lip gloss/lip stick, maybe a bit of cover up or concealer in your particular shade if you wish, as the makeup artist probably wont be able to constantly touch us all up (she will be concentrating on the bride)
- get manicures & pedicures in a tasteful, neutral shade (or do it yourself)

Other Things to Remember
- Bring nude coloured pantyhose in a natural shade. Try them on beforehand, and bring an extra pair. If you are wearing sandals, purchase the "sandal foot" kind, without the seam in the toe.
- Bring your shoes & dress, and any other accessories needed (ie: shawls)
- Wear studs or pearls for earrings if you have pierced ears
- Leave other jewelry and valuables at home so you don’t lose it
- Put together a kit of: aspirin, gum, safety pins, thread & needle, q-tips, cotton balls, bandaids, alka seltzers (take before you drink to avoid redness), bobby pins, hairspray, clar nailpolish stash of granola bars or snacks, etc.
- Anything else that the bride has assigned you to bring or take care of… (ie speeches, etc)

Keeping Kids Occupied at Weddings

Inviting kids to your next big event? Keeping kids occupied so adults can enjoy the party can be tricky, unless you put together a clever kit like this! (Components from Garnish).

Some items you might want to put in your kids kits- crayons, colouring pads, small toys, etc. For my own wedding, i'm planning on hand-illustrating a story book for the kids attending. Another cute idea from Garnish- a homemade playdoh kit complete with little cookie cutters! (below).Some other important things to consider when inviting kids:

- Consider designating a kids table or kids room (check with your venue)

- Ask parents whether they prefer their kids to be seated with them if you do have a kids room or table.

- Consider hiring a trustworthy babysitter to watch over the children in attendance. Nicole hired a magician to entertain the children attending her wedding.

Applying Your Wedding Theme

Darcy Miller (the editor of Martha Stewart Weddings) has finally posted some pictures up of her own wedding on the Martha Stewart website. There is no single event that has inspired me the way this wedding has. I admire the way the same look and feeling was articulated throughout the wedding, the utter sophistication and delicious details. The inspiration for her wedding colours- the trademark Fauchon bakery cake box. The cake says it all!
One of my favourite details was the petit fours, all of which bore the French patisserie feel, arranged in immaculate rows on silk covered boxes outlined with seam binding. They also had loaves of handmade Poulaine bread flown in from Paris, and hand-blown sugar "glass" fruits.My dream hors d'oeuvres! Included on this plate: hand cut potato chips with tuna tartare and caviar. The food was catered by the venue, Four Seasons New York. An unforgettable favourite- hand rolled white & dark chocolate cones with mini scoops of sorbet, served on a cloud of cotton candy.Signature hand calligraphed items such as invitations and fortune papers proved that elegance is best achieved with simplicity.
Lastly, the Vera Wang dress that has nearly inspired my whole wedding. Hand pleated ruffles in chiffon and silk duchesse satin give this dress such gorgeous and lush texture.

Get it in Writing

The most important advice for anyone paying for a service of any kind: get the details and get it in writing. While a verbal agreement may seem as good as a handshake between you and your vendor, i've seen far too many cases where vendors have taken advantage of clients in the worst way. Never assume that your nice "mom's friend from work" will honour her word, and it is in your relationship's best interest that you put it in writing, to let both parties know exactly what is expected. Here are some examples of details you might want to include:

Photographer- Hours of coverage, number of assistants provided, any additional transportation costs. Cost and exact number of prints received, specifications of any albums he/she is including in the package. Are CD's of digital copies included? If so, are you allowed to reprint those (some photographers will only allow you to reprint with their permission).

Florists- All flowers, rentals (vases, linens, chairs, draping, lighting, etc.) they're responsible for. Set up and clean up fees, transportation fees, additional labour fees. Does it include samples of bouquets and/or centerpieces? Is there a site inspection included? When are rentals expected back?

Musicians/Entertainment- Time, date. How many musicians, instruments are included? If you booked a particular talent based on a demo (ie: singer), make sure this singer's name is included on the contract. Additional travel time. Also detail how much it is per hour if they run overtime.

Finally, have copies of all your vendor contracts and leave them with the General Manager. Make sure you indicate all the payment details, leaving checks or cash with someone responsible. The last thing you should be thinking about is if you've paid off the DJ!

The Art of the "Dress Hunt"

Not everyone has a stylist to pick out the perfect dress like Carrie (pictured here in a couture Zac Posen from the upcoming Sex and the City movie). There are tons of guides out there for finding the perfect dress for your body in terms of shape & style, but what about actually finding the perfect dress? Lately i've been on the "dress hunt" myself and here's a simple step by step guide.

1) Use Magazines & Web Sites - Prepare tear sheets and print out photos of dresses you like. Make a note of what it is you like about the dress. This will be a great starting point.

2) Make a list of stores - Make a list of local stores you'd like to visit. While I was in New York, I tried on a few wonderful dresses at Vera Wang New York and at Saks Fifth Bridal Salon, but realized my time schedule wouldn't allow for 3 fittings. If you're able of course, by all means, go ahead!
Tip: A good way to compile a list of stores, is to go to the vendor websites of brands you like, and search for your location for stores. Start off with a max of 3 stores so you don't overwhelm yourself.

3) Set a firm budget - even though that gorgeous $15,000 Monique Lhuillier is so tempting to try on, don't do it if it's over your budget. The worst thing that could happen is for you to fall in love with it and be heartbroken because you can't have it.

4) On your first consultation, describe what you're looking for, and disclose your budget. Try on one of each type of silhouette (ie: slim fit, mermaid, A-line, ballgown), even if you think it wont look good on you. You may be surprised at what you thought would look terrible looks great!

5) Make a short list of 3-4 dresses that you love. Bring a few close friends and family members whose opinion you trust. Can you see yourself loving this dress 20 years from now?

5) Ask important questions. After you have found the dresses you like, a good sales consultant should be able to answer these basic questions clearly and honestly:
- Are alterations included? How much are they?
- How many alterations are typically needed at that particular store? Keep in mind your schedule.
- How long does it take to order each particular dress? Different brands vary in lead time.
- How much do veils, shoes, accessories, crinolines (if sold separately) cost? Don't forget to factor these into the budget.

Outdoor Alters

Lately, i've been planning our wedding floral decor, particularly the alter, and I came across the website of the design firm End Design, whose own wedding was featured in Grace Ormonde's Wedding Style magazine a few years ago. I think hers was one of the most memorable alters with a panel of draped deep magenta silk and extra large rose pomanders, with a backdrop of a vineyard. Speaking of pomanders- I love this twist on the traditional "kissing ball" floral initials with small cube & round florals. (sorry I cant find the source- feel free to email me!) How cute!
Or if you prefer something more traditional, check out these beautiful outdoor alters from photographer Elizabeth Messina's site. I'm loving the row of ribbons- they make such a wonderful linear statement (and an inexpensive one too). For ribbons, try going to JKM Ribbon- they have a really great selection.

Whimsical Seating Cards

There are many different ways to create memorable seating cards for your guests. At the wedding of Suzanne Son Hing and Ben Russ, guests were treated to a unique and beautiful display of seating cards. Each guest found their name written on a palm tree or starfish hanging from strings of crystal beads. Guests were able to release their card by pulling on the delicate bow that tied them to the beads. Here are some tips on how to use this idea in your wedding:

1. Go to a scrapbook store and using a die-cut machine, cut shapes which compliment your theme and color story

2. Write each guests name on both sides of the shapes

3. Punch a hole in the top of the shape. To dress up the hole, you can insert an eyelet

4. Tie the shapes onto long strings of beads using a simple bow so that the card can be released with one pull

5. Hang the strings of beads in alphabetical order from one long stick of bamboo (to prevent tangling in the wind). Tie the bottoms of the strings to another sticks of bamboo to keep them straight. Alternatively, you can hang the strings from trees.

This attractive and unique display of seating cards is sure to catch your guest's attention!

Choosing a Wedding Hairstyle

Photos Courtesy of theknot.com
- There might be many interesting and inventive hairstyles that might catch your eye, but try to stay with something that's modern yet classic. Don't pick a hairstyle you may regret in 10 years! Try looking at vintage photos from various eras. My philosophy is, if you love a style that's 40 years old, you will probably still love it 40 years from now. Above are some great examples.

- Book your hair appointment well in advance, as some stylists book up very quickly during the wedding high season.

- When you book with your hairstylist, give a written, detailed list or contract of the services you'll be needing that day of and keep a copy for yourself. That list should include a details such as: the booking of your hair trial, time frame (arrival time and total time), whether or not the stylist will provide an assistant, where the services will be performed (salon or home), and who is getting their hair done (it may or may not include mothers, and wedding party).

Choosing A Venue & Setting A Date

The venue or place where you hold your wedding ceremony and reception is most likely the biggest financial commitment you will make for your wedding. Often brides are overwhelmed by the choices, and can often be pressured into making a hasty decision. Here's what you should absolutely know before booking a venue:

When to Book the Venue
Some venues can be booked one to two years in advance, so the first thing on your priority list after annoucing your engagement is to secure a venue. However, you should never feel pressured by the venue or anyone else to book a venue you're unsure about.

Step-by-Step Process of Searching for the Perfect Venue
1) Have a guest list ready to go. Believe it or not, you will save yourself a lot of headache by coming up with a preliminary guest number before you dive into the venue search. Get as close to the actual number as possible. Hold a meeting with your parents and his parents, and put together a list before you shop for venues.

2) The hosts of the event should make a priority list of what they want in an ideal venue. For our wedding, we knew we wanted the ceremony, photos, and reception at the same place. That's why we chose Graydon Hall, pictured left, because it would allow us exclusive use of their grounds for all three.

Here are some suggestions to help you get started on your priority list:

Priority & Solution
1. Budget - The venue must be able to provide all food, drink and rentals for $XO,XOX in total or $XO amount per person.
2. Food - The venue must have the ability to cater a customizable menu, not just the same meal for every event. -or- The venue should be able to provide a lot of food for my guests; I dont want them leaving hungry. -or- The venue must be able to cater a Kosher, Chinese, Vegetarian, etc. meal.
3. Location - the venue must be in less than 1/2 hour driving distance from most of our guests and the hotels in the city, because we have a lot of out of town guests
4. Service - the venue must provide really great service, because good service is really important to us
5. Atmosphere - The venue must be able to host a tented wedding. -or- The temperature will be low when we're getting married, it's a priority that we can do both the ceremony and reception indoors.
6. Type of Venue - My friends knew they were falling in love for the first time on the golf course, so they knew it would be perfect to get married on one. Whether it be a golf & country club, mansion, restaurant, hotel, art gallery, or industrial building, keep your eyes open for the different types of venue that would go with the look and feel you want your event to portray.

3) Compile a list of venues in the area in which you would like to hold the event. Try to write as many details down about the venues that you see online, or via brochure. Now that you have your priority list, you'll be less overwhelmed by the choices and start to only see ones that can cater to your priorities. Try to organize your list by location so that you can visit the ones you like in the same day.
Then when you've narrowed down the list to about 6 or so, book a Site Inspection or Venue Tour. Read below under "Signs of a Good Venue" to see what to look for.

4) Prepare a list of questions to ask the venues before you visit them. Some examples might be:
- What is your capacity? (Make sure you get all of their different seating capacities, or specify each one if you know you're going to have a sit down dinner for example).
- If you're looking at venues that supply "Wedding Packages" ask to be clear on what is included (ie: passed hors d'oeuvres, appetizer, main course, dessert, dessert buffet, tea, coffee, wine, alcoholic beverages (open bar), room rentals, other rentals, etc.)
- Are there minimum spends? (Some venues, especially restaurants, require you to spend a certain amount on high demand dates such as Saturdays).
- Will there be more than one wedding or event going on at the same time?
- Will there be a GM or person from the venue available to me on the day of?
- Is there a bridal suite? (There should be, and please inspect these as well as the washrooms too!)

Signs of a Good Venue
Having been through many, many venue tours (for our own wedding and for friends' weddings), we have discovered a few things to look for in a good venue:

1) From the minute you first make contact with them, the venue should be working for your business, not the other way around. The venue tour should be informative and accomodating, and never pushy. Take a look at the staff working at the venue site. Are they positive, smiling and accomodating? Ask a few people for directions, or questions about the event they're doing that evening. If they're disgruntled or confused, it's not a good sign! How they treat you during the venue inspection is a great indication of how they will be treating you and and your guests on the day of.

2) Word of mouth and experience is by far the best way to find a great venue. We were considering a famous golf and country club for our wedding only to find out that several of our friends had attended different weddings there, and had found the food satisfactory.

3) Lastly, know that every venue has its flaws. In other words, be realistic. Even though there are many things on your priority list, you will most likely have to compromise something at the bottom of your list. For example, you've fallen in love with a venue but it's not in your budget, consider doing an amazing lunch bash.

Picking a Color Theme

A Few Things To Think About

When selecting your colors for your party or wedding, remember to consider a few things:

Mood What kind of mood do you want your guests to encounter, from the minute they receive their invitations to the minute they leave should be a huge influence on what colors you choose.

The Two-Complementary-Color Misconception When choosing theme colors, there is a common misconception that you have to use two complimentary colors at equal amounts. Color can be applied in many, many ways at your event. It could be as minute as a hint in a floral arrangement, or as splashy as wash of colored spotlights during the reception. Colors can also be tone on tone like red and pink or brown and taupe, and dont have to be complementary.

Color Breakdown It might be helpful to give your florist or event designer a breakdown of colors, either by percentage or print out a color chart. For example, if you plan to build your color chart around one neutral color, and have accent colors your color breakdown might look like this: 70% Ivory, 20% Brown, 5% Mellon Pink and 5% Leaf Green. Also something to keep in mind are the colors of the surroundings. For example, if you are getting married in a garden, you'll most likely see a lot of white from the chairs, and green from the garden. If your color scheme is pink and brown, for example, you could add a brown aisle runner and pink rose petals. At the reception, the most color will come from the walls of the reception hall or tent, and the tablecloths. For example, if you are envisioning a chocolate & lime wedding, you would want to rent chocolate tablecloths or sew chocolate runners with lime centerpieces.

Traditions & Significance One other important thing to think about when choosing your colors is the meaning of certain colors. It really depends on the people attending your event and how traditional they are. For example, in Chinese culture, white, navy blue and black are considered to be mourning colors, while red and gold are colors of prosperity.